Where are you? When I needed you?

29 09 2009

I’m here, waiting for you.
I’ve told you what I hoped for, something simple.
You made me wait.
You’re asking for another chapter.
For a story I don’t even know how to begin.
Guide me please, tell me things.
Just a prologue, even a paragraph.
Something simple and easy.
We’re both afraid, we have to throw these fears away.
I thought you miss me.
Where are you? When I needed you?


Overactive soul at work

28 09 2009

I might have woken up tired due to too much sleep, but I realised it was because my soul wandered too much. I encountered more dreams yesterday than usual, after so long.

A couple of them are intertwined, come to think of it, they were all pretty much related to each other. One notable dream was …

Adik (yes THAT Adik) visited me. There was something else that happened that made her come to my place but I can’t remember it now. What I can remember was that she wanted me to sign some papers for insurance related matters. She and my mom talked. I didn’t tell mom who she actually is. Somehow my mom was asking Adik about her brothers and Adik quickly mentioned B, not by name but by describing that she has someone who is 2 years younger than me. My mom somehow didn’t look so impressed. But still she seemed ok with Adik, and Adik invited us to help her out in some kenduri or charity work, along the lines.

I remembered dreaming about me studying at a university, with Myzee as my classmate. I dreamt about getting to islands nearby Singapore. I dreamt about reading an article describing a strange incident in someone’s house, and I actually went to the scene take a look.

Somehow the above events happened over a period of time. Eventually, the day to help Adik out came, and mom allowed me to go. Mom even told me that Adik called her and asked for my email address to tell me of the new location to meet. It was quite last minute so I messaged both Adik and B about it. Then I dreamt that I boarded a ferry to go to that address.

By now the dreams aren’t as vivid as I experienced them of course. I could have missed out some things though. Nevertheless it was one helluva night for my soul to wander.

Where was I?

23 09 2009

So I’ve lagged a bit. Well it has been one helluva busy week. Our last stretch to the finishing line. We ended up baking people’s orders on Raya’s eve. We cooked around midnight. We baked one more cake for Cik Sal. My sisters just baked a few cookies. Me and my mom tried baking pineapple tarts yesterday. Yeah, we were this late.

Thank goodness everything’s over. Though we do have a few orders to fulfil, extra cash is always welcome. And I was back to work yesterday.

Pretty eventful day yesterday. My partner in crime in all things nonsensical was at his usual self and I joined along doing more nonsensical stuff. Like me acting out how I’d eat the treat Dan gave us months ago from his China trip if it had maggots. The auntieness in me to the rescue by giving Jason a plastic knife that I kept just in case for him to cut the mooncake. Him asking me to pretend throwing something towards him and he counter reacted by placing the plastic knife between his teeth, as if he caught what I threw to him. Him updating his facebook status asking people who is this colleague, who said that if you tilt a square at 45 degree, you’ll get a diamond. And our colleagues responded. They replied it was me. Yeah bingo. And other funnies that me and Jason came up with.

The finale of my work day, that nobody in the office knew (unless you chance upon this entry) was that I was almost caught with my pants down. Almost. Thank goodness, no, and because of that it didn’t traumatised me much hehe.

I went to the executive toilet because the ladies is under renovations. I didn’t realise that I did not lock th door. So I did the deed, and stood at the corner to pull up my knickers and my pants. Because the door is translucent so you can’t stand in front of it to do whatever except to wash your hands at the sink, so you have to hide at the corner near the toilet. So while I pulled up halfway, the door opened! Thankfully not wide enough and I quickly exclaimed ‘sorry sorry’. Which should have been that person instead isn’t it? I can’t remember what she said but she closed the door back, I recognised her voice. It was the secretary.

I got back to the office, if I see her, I will explain. But she wasn’t there. Few mins later she came in. The best part is that she went straight to the colleagues sitting in front of me and told them what happened. I thought of making eye contact with her to signal or go up to her when she’s seated but I thought, why should I when she didn’t recognise it was me? But man, it’s so annoying watching her recounted all the details in front of me, thinking that she did it behind my back! How wicked! But I just laughed it off since I was anonymous.

Night time came and I went to the doctor. While waiting I decided to call Myzee. And he said he was just about to msg me. And said that yeah I was too busy making cakes to talk to him. Hmm. Cute. And we talked about stuff. This is our first phone call after 3 weeks or so. Suddenly I felt a little hopeful. And this is after exchanging news and getting all friendly with B the night before. Back to square one. Adoring these 2 guys.

Only time will tell…

This is what my reply would have been

16 09 2009

Dear A,

I’m sorry that I don’t feel the same way as you do. In fact, it’s been that way after those few phone calls with you. Even our first meeting could not change me.

I’ve never showed signs that I’m interested in you during the meeting, hoping that you can read them. But apparently not. What’s worse is that even after telling you that I’m still searching for that someone out there, you still don’t get it.

And you kept bringing up the subject again and again, insisting that I should call you or even go online even after I told you honestly that I’m so busy with my cake making. It made me frustrated even more. So I decided to keep quiet because I got so tired of explaining.

And you got it. Finally.

You’re an adult. A year older. But yet you don’t seem to know how to deal with issues like this, I don’t know how I can be friends with you either. You couldn’t even wait, and you’re telling me about being patient. Just because you find that our ‘date’ was nice and you felt something and that I meet your criteria and you think it’s a beginning of something. And you’re telling me that I’m the one who don’t understand.

I was trying my best to put up with your conversational skills. Or rather the lack of it. But I can’t force myself any further. There were things you weren’t truthful about and you’re so ignorant about them. Your constant comments about my pay and job and my golf picture just turned me off and you weren’t sensitive about it. I just couldn’t associate the way you speak with your age and it makes it even harder.

By then I wasn’t in the mood to meet you. But I tried, after all there’s nothing wrong with being friends. But you were too quick in wanting more. You wouldn’t have done that if you were mindful enough.

Telling the truth was tough, so I decided to stay quiet hoping that you’ll get the idea. No. You went on telling me how hurtful it was to be ignored. All the more it frustrated me that as an adult you don’t get it and then turn things around making me the bad person. And you just wouldn’t stop. Already losing my number is a sign things won’t be like you wanted it to be but you just couldn’t let it go, insisting that I’ll call you or text you. For goodness sake, we’re not even good friends, yet you expected me to be.

As a friend, my advice (which I already did) to you is to date more people, gain more experience in dealing with ladies and your own feelings. Don’t just fall for someone too quickly without being sure that she likes you too and that you’re both compatible. Love and trust take time, no matter how long. And don’t set expectations, or you’ll end up disappointed. Don’t be too persistent, you have yourself to blame if things don’t work out.

All the best and take care.


11 09 2009

Haven’t been writing much lately. Been busy and tired and down. Even though I have all these pent up frustrations, I still couldn’t bring myself to let it out here. Seems like I write better when I’m in a good mood.

Currently I’m busy coordinating the delivery of the cakes. I practically spent my office hours doing that and I couldn’t finish some of my assignments before I go on leave. Yikes. One had to be sacrificed. We now have to start on the large cakes already, with some rolls left to do too.


11 09 2009

Prior to the delivery coordination, thank God me and my mom have made peace. She realised she’s equally wrong too for snaping at me so often. We both explained each other’s situation. I also have to buck up with a change in attitude. Yes, I admit. I have my flaws, and my sins. No more excuses this time.


11 09 2009

By the way, I’m now a student of SP. Yeah, I’ve enrolled into that course. I also got to know one of the coursemates, Jophy, a sweet, pretty, Filipino young mother of 4. She’s young if her eldest is about 15 right? She’s so bubbly! But gee, seems like I’m making friends with Yew Tee residents of late. A little bit of the past still seems to cling on to me.