28 11 2009

Yes it’s my fault. But things just aren’t the same anymore…

I just can’t take it anymore, at my age, I’m still being picked on the smallest things. I admit the smallest things are the most annoying, but there’s just no need to harp on it over and over, the worst being criticize over my past deeds, hurtful comments on issues like my single life and my studies.

We did talk about our issues the other time and we’ve made up and tried to make improvements. But it didn’t last long. We quarreled over money. And from then on I realised the kind of person she is, that I can’t bring her to discuss over matters. It’s the last straw.

It’s her nature that she can talk very well. She always has things to say, so that she feels satisfied that my feelings are hurt. She will bring up my past and pass comments about them. The worst would be saying things that are not true, making assumptions and making me look like I’m the worst daughter one could have. Am I really that horrible? Are all my deeds as a child to this family useless? I couldn’t even bring them up because it will only show that I’m too proud and arrogant. She even said what I did are nothing, the other sisters can do them. Is it really? You don’t rely on me anymore?

I know my deeds will never be enough. But are you going to make me pay at the expense of not allowing me to have my own life? I wanted to be independant, but she feels that I’m too arrogant to care about people around me. You feel that I’m being childish, but you yourself treated me like a kid.

Just because you do more deeds of faith means that you’re better than us. You’ll say things like we don’t follow what was being taught. And you will say, don’t say others, look at yourself. Then what about you? Do you question the same thing to yourself? Just because you’ve aged and you’re more sensitive now makes you an exception to be temperamental? That was not what was being taught.

Just because you take care of the house means you’ve fulfilled you duties as a mother. But you were never a friend to us. You are too tired to talk to us, and everytime I talk you will cut my speech. At my age, I have develop my own principles, my own views but you never care and feels that I should be like you. You just couldn’t accept me for who I am, and if you as a mother, treated me as such, I feel disheartened thinking nobody else could too. Just how else do you want me to change, when I’m trying my best but you still couldn’t see?

I’m tired of these life, and I really want to get out of here as soon as possible…


Our hearts are in Your hands

16 11 2009

The whole of my life is just for You.

You have the power to make things happen.

You have the will to mend our hearts and soul to do what is right and what is best for us.

I can only go this far, it’s the best that I can do.

What’s the purpose of us to be in each other’s lives? Only You know. And I can only hope what You know and what’s written in the stars is indeed the best for us.

Bless me, bless my love. And make him the one for me. You know what I want and I will never give up on faith that You can mend his heart.

Make our paths easier for us to tread on towards Your light. Give us only challenges that we can bear.

When the time is right, he will be the right one for me. After he has seen what You want to make him see. After I am very sure that You have put everything in its place.

Calm our restlessness. Hear our prayers. And mend everybody’s hearts to make this miracle possible.

In my own words, Love Is …

5 11 2009

I spotted the popular comic strip by Kim Casali on my sister’s table, and here’s what love is to me :

Love is … loving that person like you would love yourself.

Love is … making that person stay when that person tries to walk away.

Love is … being there for that person in times of need.

Love is … helping that person be the best that the person can be.

Love is … sharing both sadness and happiness together.

Love is … seeing that person happy even if you have to let that person go.

Love is … giving encouragement, an emotional push to see that person achieve the best.

Love is … being sensitive to the person’s needs.

Love is … about surprises that will bring smile to that person’s face.

Love is … about self-improvement that can bring good to the relationship.

Love is … opening your heart to changes for the better.